There are sins in our culture that are considered unforgivable. It’s a growing list! In fact, there are certain offenses that violate common sensibilities when we forgive them. Forgiving these things can actually offend those closest to us so much that they will often try to talk us back into unforgiveness. We have actually witnessed people coerced into repenting of their forgiveness, which brings the torment back to a more intense level. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, the results are heartbreaking.

Forgiveness is such a central part of the Gospel message that no true believer would ever say that forgiveness is a bad idea. We often meet with people who believe that they have forgiven yet are still very much in torment, which is an indicator that they have, in fact, not forgiven. Much of the teaching that is out there about forgiveness, including from Christian sources, comes from a flawed secular foundation. Yet true forgiveness always produces freedom. So how do we know when we have truly forgiven? We can be assured that we have forgiven when we forgive as God forgave us.

We live in an incredibly independent culture. “Mind your own business and stay out of mine” is a motto many, if not most, people live by. But what if that’s not God’s way? What if, rather than being independent, God has designed us to be interdependent? What if we really are our brother’s keeper?

Each family member who spoke in court that day expressed a grace that can only be found in the Gospel. And the world noticed. While some criticized the decision to forgive so quickly, most people sat in awe of the families’ choice to forgive, and, for the most part, the Charleston community followed their lead. Instead of returning hate and anger with hate and anger, love and mercy prevailed. The result was a climate that allowed the massacre to be denounced by all sides while reasoned and gut-level conversations about racial division led to substantive dialog and decisions. Instead of a race war, actual healing and reconciliation took place.

Toni was wrapping up her summary of the Forgiving Forward message as I returned. I looked at George and said, “Do you want to be free from your torment... Now? Will you allow me to coach you to forgive your son right here on the beach?” With tears in his eyes he quietly said “Yes. Please help me.” I moved my beach ottoman over by George’s chair and gently coached him to forgive his son for taking his own life and for all the wounds that decision had caused. I then helped him come to terms with his anger towards God and we watched as George’s entire countenance changed as his tears of sorry became tears of release.

In a simple but hard ten-minute span of time, we witnessed 17 years of torment drop off of Brad. Brad reached out to us, after someone on a social media site, had recommended our book Forgiving Forward to him. For 17 years Brad had been seeking help from any person, any source, any place—including social media, that would help him get free of the torment that gripped him day and night. “It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night.”

Many people ask, “How can I forgive them when I know that it’s going to keep happening?” That is not an insignificant question. We all have those “repeat offenders” in our lives that wound us on a regular basis. How long do we “put up with it?” Isn’t there a limit to how often I should forgive?

In every movie about forgiveness that I have seen, at some point in the storyline, the main character struggling with forgiving reaches a crisis point. Standing at the end of a dock or in the woods or alone in a room, they scream in desperation, “I don’t know how to forgive!”, or something to that effect. The scene shifts to one in which the character, having forgiven, is now at peace. What we don’t see is HOW he forgave. Specifically, what did he do? The how is important. Wanting to forgive is not the same as choosing to forgive.

What moved me that day was the reminder that the fountain filled with blood drawn from Immanuel’s veins is true for everyone, not just me and you. “Lose all THEIR guilty stains.” Could it be that if we, as the redeemed, celebrated the power of the Gospel to cleanse sin in other people’s lives as much as we do our own, the world would change?

There are certain abiding principles that we must continually reaffirm in our daily lives, particularly at the dawn of a new year. One of those key principles is Abiding: staying constantly connected and desperately dependent on Jesus. Abiding in Christ is recognizing that we bring nothing to the table except our nothing and our faith.

One of the primary misconceptions about forgiveness is that we need to wait for the offending party to repent before we forgive. Conventional wisdom says, “The person who hurt me will have to admit that what they did was wrong before I will consider whether or not to forgive them.” In other words, I don’t have to decide to forgive until they choose to repent. Yet, the way of Jesus was never conventional. Jesus predetermined that He would forgive us.

We met Marike Veldman in Jerusalem in March 2017! Her story is a powerful one of choosing to believe God's promises and forgive in the midst of a crisis!

I love the fact that the Bible is alive, that you can know a passage well and still continually learn deep truths from it. That happened to me recently with Isaiah 55. I was reading Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund. In this intriguing book, the author helps us consider more deeply what Scripture reveals to us about Jesus’ heart, who really is at His core the Son of God, based on what Jesus said about Himself in Matthew 11:28-30.

Victor Marx hosts Bruce Wayne Hebel, author of Forgiving Forward: Unleashing the Forgiveness Revolution. Bruce shares his deliverance from torment due to unforgiveness over “horrific wounds” suffered at a church he pastored. He and his wife now help others get free through his book and “Forgiving Forward” course. If you’re experiencing issues with anxiety, depression, addiction or anger — or know someone who is — unforgiveness may be at the root, so be sure to tune in!

Brad and Molly came to us in crisis. Three weeks earlier Molly had discovered Brad’s pornography addiction and his multiple affairs, including Molly’s best friend, Brad’s best friend’s wife and prostitutes. She was shocked. A couple of days after the initial confrontation, Brad picked up his Bible. As he began to read something inside him broke. For two hours he tearfully read the Bible and, for the first time, understood the grace of God and the forgiveness provided for him through the blood of the cross. He was dramatically transformed. Heart cleansed. Desires changed.

The blood of Jesus covers all sins including the ones committed against me and true forgiveness is applying the blood of Jesus as payment in full for every wound I ever have or will suffer. Oftentimes we get confused because we categorize offenses. It's a business offense. It's a personal offense. It's a family offense. It's a neighborhood offense. So we've got clusters of categories of offenses, but really offenses are offenses!

The good news of Easter is this: Jesus died when His blood flowed out of Him on the Cross. When we put our faith in Him, His blood pours out over us, washing away our sin. As His blood flows through us, we are empowered to live His life. There truly is transforming power in the blood of Jesus!

Forgiving Forward exists to help people experience the freedom of the Gospel through the power of forgiveness. We believe that unforgiveness is one of the most significant hindrances to people experiencing the Life Jesus died to give us. God expects forgiven people to forgive others, but we find that most people who need to forgive need help doing that. One of the things that makes Forgiving Forward unique is our emphasis on equipping people to help others to forgive.

In the course of the conversation I was able to coach him to forgive several deep wounds from his past. The transformation in his eyes and in his countenance was remarkable. I was then able to help him see himself the way God sees him and to coach him on how to love his wife even if she chooses to go through with the divorce.