Bruce’s Forgiveness Story
Growing up in a pastor’s home, I watched my Dad and Mom get hurt in ministry. Toni and I, as well as our kids, have also been wounded in the churches we’ve pastored. We’ve been betrayed, abandoned, and have suffered many horrific wounds. In one of our darkest moments, Toni called the Focus on the Family Pastoral Hotline for help. After hearing our whole story, the voice on the other end of the phone said, “Ma’am, that’s the worst story we have ever heard. Why are you still doing this? Everyone else would have quit by now!” We didn’t quit because God wouldn't let us. Ministry was our calling. But we were still wounded and didn’t know what to do with the hurt.
I have to confess that there was a year of my life when I was a mess inside. The ministry was going well and everything seemed good on the outside, but my heart was in torment. You see, an old wound I thought I had dealt with was reopened through a current event. I tried to keep it inside, but the bitterness began to ooze out as I was being tormented by the memories of the past wound. This distorted my perception of the present reality. I became defensive and self-protective. My decisions and reactions as a leader were affected and my relationships suffered, yet I didn’t share my struggle with anyone, not even my wife.
My friend James challenged me by saying, “Bruce, you haven’t forgiven _____.” I responded, “I have forgiven him. I wrote him a letter and told him so. I don’t have a forgiveness problem.” “Well you have some problem, so why don’t you get away with God and ask Him what it is.” So I did.
In a borrowed lake house, I spent several days wrestling with God. On the third day God confronted me on my bitterness and lack of forgiveness for the same man James had mentioned. It wasn’t an audible voice, but I knew it was Him. This was one of those bittersweet times with the Lord. Bitter because God showed me the ugliness of my flesh. Sweet because He showed me the beauty of His grace.
With a broken and grateful heart, I chose to forgive him for the specific things he did to wound me and my family; then sealed it by asking God to bless him. I can’t explain what happened to my heart. It was like a dam had broken and peace flooded my soul. I began to sing worship songs at the top of my lungs. I was free!
When I returned home, I told Toni about what God had done in my heart. We gathered the entire family together and spent eleven hours in one day forgiving old wounds. It was the most transformative day in our family’s history.
As we have seen the power of these principles worked out in our own lives, God has given us the opportunity to come alongside many other wounded pastors, ministry leaders, and people in all walks of life who are in torment because of unforgiveness. We have witnessed significant supernatural breakthroughs, and have found incredible joy in helping others forgive.
