Forgiveness is such a central part of the Gospel message that no true believer would ever say that forgiveness is a bad idea. We often meet with people who believe that they have forgiven yet are still very much in torment, which is an indicator that they have, in fact, not forgiven. Much of the teaching that is out there about forgiveness, including from Christian sources, comes from a flawed secular foundation. Yet true forgiveness always produces freedom. So how do we know when we have truly forgiven? We can be assured that we have forgiven when we forgive as God forgave us.

We live in an incredibly independent culture. “Mind your own business and stay out of mine” is a motto many, if not most, people live by. But what if that’s not God’s way? What if, rather than being independent, God has designed us to be interdependent? What if we really are our brother’s keeper?

Each family member who spoke in court that day expressed a grace that can only be found in the Gospel. And the world noticed. While some criticized the decision to forgive so quickly, most people sat in awe of the families’ choice to forgive, and, for the most part, the Charleston community followed their lead. Instead of returning hate and anger with hate and anger, love and mercy prevailed. The result was a climate that allowed the massacre to be denounced by all sides while reasoned and gut-level conversations about racial division led to substantive dialog and decisions. Instead of a race war, actual healing and reconciliation took place.

Toni was wrapping up her summary of the Forgiving Forward message as I returned. I looked at George and said, “Do you want to be free from your torment... Now? Will you allow me to coach you to forgive your son right here on the beach?” With tears in his eyes he quietly said “Yes. Please help me.” I moved my beach ottoman over by George’s chair and gently coached him to forgive his son for taking his own life and for all the wounds that decision had caused. I then helped him come to terms with his anger towards God and we watched as George’s entire countenance changed as his tears of sorry became tears of release.

Many people ask, “How can I forgive them when I know that it’s going to keep happening?” That is not an insignificant question. We all have those “repeat offenders” in our lives that wound us on a regular basis. How long do we “put up with it?” Isn’t there a limit to how often I should forgive?

In every movie about forgiveness that I have seen, at some point in the storyline, the main character struggling with forgiving reaches a crisis point. Standing at the end of a dock or in the woods or alone in a room, they scream in desperation, “I don’t know how to forgive!”, or something to that effect. The scene shifts to one in which the character, having forgiven, is now at peace. What we don’t see is HOW he forgave. Specifically, what did he do? The how is important. Wanting to forgive is not the same as choosing to forgive.

Jesus came to us, sent by His Father, because we couldn’t get to Him. Unredeemed mankind is incapable of living righteous enough to settle their sin debt or conquer their sin nature. We could never defeat sin... ever! So, He came to live among us so that, through His death and resurrection, He might come to live in us. The way He lived among us is how we live His Life in us… constantly connected to and desperately dependent on Him as we wait for Him to come again.

I love the fact that the Bible is alive, that you can know a passage well and still continually learn deep truths from it. That happened to me recently with Isaiah 55. I was reading Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund. In this intriguing book, the author helps us consider more deeply what Scripture reveals to us about Jesus’ heart, who really is at His core the Son of God, based on what Jesus said about Himself in Matthew 11:28-30.

Victor Marx hosts Bruce Wayne Hebel, author of Forgiving Forward: Unleashing the Forgiveness Revolution. Bruce shares his deliverance from torment due to unforgiveness over “horrific wounds” suffered at a church he pastored. He and his wife now help others get free through his book and “Forgiving Forward” course. If you’re experiencing issues with anxiety, depression, addiction or anger — or know someone who is — unforgiveness may be at the root, so be sure to tune in!

Brad and Molly came to us in crisis. Three weeks earlier Molly had discovered Brad’s pornography addiction and his multiple affairs, including Molly’s best friend, Brad’s best friend’s wife and prostitutes. She was shocked. A couple of days after the initial confrontation, Brad picked up his Bible. As he began to read something inside him broke. For two hours he tearfully read the Bible and, for the first time, understood the grace of God and the forgiveness provided for him through the blood of the cross. He was dramatically transformed. Heart cleansed. Desires changed.

The blood of Jesus covers all sins including the ones committed against me and true forgiveness is applying the blood of Jesus as payment in full for every wound I ever have or will suffer. Oftentimes we get confused because we categorize offenses. It's a business offense. It's a personal offense. It's a family offense. It's a neighborhood offense. So we've got clusters of categories of offenses, but really offenses are offenses!

The key is not our activity, the key is our focus. Andrew Murray said, “When Christ becomes our focus, everything changes.” By focusing on the presence of Jesus, our lives begin to reflect our new and true identity as He lives out in us what He had made us to be. We no longer work for God, God works through us. (Philippians 2:13) This may or may not change our activity level, but it will, however, change our effectiveness and stress level. Taylor later wrote to his sister, “As to work – mine was never so plentiful, so responsible or so difficult, but the weight and strain are all gone.”

When we are faced with sorrow, grief, uncertainty, suffering, and pain, the way to respond that is most fitting for a disciple of Jesus is to surrender to His will and to die to ours. Jesus is showing us how to agree to His plan and give up ours. When I yield and pray, “Father, glorify Your name in and through me in this situation. Reveal Yourself. Lord let me see You.” I experience peace amidst the sorrow. I find myself filled with strength and hope knowing that God will glorify Himself in my life.

For the next hour I coached Tom through the Forgiveness Protocols wound by wound, person by person. The tears flowed as the chains of unforgiveness were broken and fell away. When we finished the last “Is the Holy Spirit bringing anything else to you now?” question, and he answered “no,” I asked him how he felt. He replied, “I feel so light I could fly! I feel like thousands of pounds of old chains are gone and I can breathe!”

Forgiving Forward exists to help people experience the freedom of the Gospel through the power of forgiveness. We believe that unforgiveness is one of the most significant hindrances to people experiencing the Life Jesus died to give us. God expects forgiven people to forgive others, but we find that most people who need to forgive need help doing that. One of the things that makes Forgiving Forward unique is our emphasis on equipping people to help others to forgive.

In the course of the conversation I was able to coach him to forgive several deep wounds from his past. The transformation in his eyes and in his countenance was remarkable. I was then able to help him see himself the way God sees him and to coach him on how to love his wife even if she chooses to go through with the divorce.

Jesus viewed people as more important than their failures. He never treated His enemies as enemies. Jesus loves people and He hates sin, but His love for people is greater than His hatred is for their sin. In fact, He hates our sin so much that He died in order to separate us from our sin so He could restore us to relationship with Him and His Father. There is no sin that we can bring to Jesus to which He will say, “I didn’t cover that one.” He covered them all.

Sometimes God sets boundaries to protect us, yet other times he sets them to give us the opportunity to display our faith by honoring His authority. Humility is reflected in faithful submission to God. Pride makes us unfaithful. In The Four Cardinal Virtues, Josef Pieper wrote, “Pride refers to man’s relationship with God. Pride is the anti-realistic denial of the relationship between creature and Creator; pride denies the creaturely nature of man… It is a turning away from God.”

When we devalue the blood of Jesus and the sacrifice of Christ that He paid for for us, the Father is not okay with that. He gives authority for us to be tormented, which literally means that demonic forces have authority to torment us. We've got this tormenting spirit in our life competing with the Holy Spirit so we can't really hear the Holy Spirit because these tormentors are there under the authority of the Father to fight us. I'm convinced you cannot fully abide in Christ effectively when you have unforgiveness in your heart because there's a competition involved.