The Table of Reconciliation
Forgiveness + Repentance = Reconciliation
Reconciliation is a concept that often confuses people. Many believe we are under no obligation to forgive unless the offending party repents. In other words, unless the other person asks for forgiveness, it would be inappropriate to forgive them. One author defines forgiveness as “a commitment by the offended party to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated”. According to this definition, our forgiveness is dependent on the offender’s repentance. By this logic, if the one who caused the wound refuses to acknowledge their wrong, then the wounded party is locked in the state of unforgiveness. Based on Matthew 18:21-35, this brings the wounded party torment. But that is not how God relates to us! Before the foundation of the world he chose to forgive us and then called us to repent and be reconciled.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Reconciliation requires two things: Forgiveness from the wounded party and repentance from the offending party.
Forgiveness + Repentance = Reconciliation
Let’s first define the terms:
Forgiveness is applying the blood of Jesus as payment in full for every wound I ever have or will suffer.
Repentance means to “change my mind”; to recognize that what I did was wrong.
The Greek word for repentance is metanoia. The main word in the compound is noia, which means “mind, understanding” in the noun form and in the verbal form “to direct one’s mind to; to perceive mentally; to think; to understand; to know.” The prefix to the word is meta and carries the meaning of “after” or “change.” Thus, the word means “to perceive or believe after,” or “to change your mind.” Therefore, repentance means to believe differently; to have reconsidered and changed your mind; to reach a different conclusion. True repentance involves the heart. We receive truth in our mind; we believe and embrace it in our heart. This implies that repentance is more than just a mental assent to something—it’s a heartfelt belief. In our context then, repentance means to recognize, from the heart, that what I did was wrong.
Imagine a high-top table with five seats. Three seats are occupied by the Heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. The other two seats are reserved for the wounded party and the offending party. Reconciliation takes place when the wounded party says, “What they did was wrong, but since Jesus paid for it, I chose to forgive and come to the table,” and the offending party says, “I now know that what I did was wrong. What can I do to make it right?” At which time the wounded party (you) who is already sitting at the table responds, “Thank you very much, but Jesus has already made it right.” If the offender doesn’t repent, you are not reconciled, even though you have forgiven. The good news is that your forgiveness has granted you access to the table and the amazing fellowship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
God always calls the offending party to the table first. Why? Two reasons. First, our forgiveness must be based on the Cross of Jesus, not the offending party’s repentance. We forgive because Jesus’ blood paid for what the other person did or did not do. Second, by definition an unrepentant person is thinking wrongly and based on Matthew 18, our unforgiveness brings torment. So, to base our forgiveness on someone who is thinking badly is foolish. God calls us to the table where we wait for the offending party, all the while enjoying the company of the Trinity and the delicacies that accompany sitting at the Father’s table.
We also recommend that you do not go tell them that you forgive them, unless God clearly reveals He wants you to. Why? If they haven’t repented, they will reject your forgiveness and that will be another wound you have to forgive. Also, if they haven’t repented, their ego will cause them to move away from repentance. Forgive them and come to the table and wait. Oftentimes when we forgive, something happens in the heavenlies and the Father sends the Holy Spirit to bring the other party to repentance. We have many stories where a person forgives and, without them saying a word, God calls the wounding party to repentance and reconciliation occurs. However, it is still up to the other party to make the decision to repent for you to be reconciled. If they choose not to, your place at the table is still secured.
Welcome to the Table of Reconciliation!
