My late friend Mike Wells said, “People don’t normally understand how to live Christ's life until they are in their 50s. It takes that long to fail enough to learn dependence on Christ.” Failure, disappointments, and pain are the tools God uses to bring us to the end of ourselves so that we can learn to fully trust him. It’s really the only way we learn, and it normally takes a long time.

We may read about God’s faithfulness in the Bible and agree with it in our minds, but it is only through experiencing God’s faithfulness in times of struggle and failure does that truth move from our heads down into our hearts. God strategically and consistently uses circumstances to teach us deep truths about Himself and about us. As I look back on my life, I find that I learned more about Jesus and His Life in me through my struggles than through the successes of my life. It took multiple lessons over many years for me to finally begin to get it. The ministry of Forgiving Forward would not exist were it not for the betrayals and sufferings we endured throughout decades of serving in churches. Only God could have taken our misery and turned it into a ministry masterpiece.

The message of Gospel-centric forgiveness teaches us that we don’t forgive people, we forgive wounds and that freedom will be experienced when we forgive the specific wounds incurred against us. Jesus says in Matthew 18 that we should forgive “from our hearts.” To say, “I forgive my uncle,” period, is not forgiving from our hearts but from our minds, and the wounds in the heart are left behind to fester. Jesus, our supreme example, said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they DO.” So, to forgive from our hearts will sound like, “I choose to forgive my uncle from my heart FOR saying this, doing that, not doing this, making me feel,” etc. We must be specific. When we identify the wounds, specifically, by speaking them aloud and laying them at the cross, we will experience freedom.

God's original design for marriage was not for Adam to get his needs met but rather to have someone whose needs he could meet.

The story of Christmas actually has its roots in Genesis 3. When God told Adam not to eat from the forbidden tree, God made Adam a promise. “…but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for on the day that you eat from it you will certainly die.” (Genesis 2:17) God’s promise was that the consequence of man’s sin was that he would lose his relationship with his Creator. God kept His promise. When Adam and Eve fell to the seduction of the serpent, curses were declared on all three co-conspirators as our first parents were banished from the garden and severed from life with God. Yet in the midst of keeping His promise, God gave them a new promise as He pronounced the curse on the serpent. “And I will make enemies of you and the woman, and of your offspring and her Descendant; He shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise Him on the heel.” (Genesis 3:15) God promised that the woman would have a Child (Jesus) who would ultimately crush the head of the serpent, thus breaking Satan’s power over man and providing a way for man to be restored to relationship with God. As the details of the promise were further developed throughout the Old Testament, we can see how God orchestrated a fulfillment of that new promise leading to Jesus’s death and resurrection. This new promise to bring mankind back to life would require God to do something that man could never do for himself. God would have to pay man’s sin debt, which He accomplished when Jesus shed His blood on the Cross.

The Gospel story is all about freedom. The Babe in the manger was born in Bethlehem to liberate the world by conquering sin and death through the Cross and the Empty Tomb. With His blood, Jesus paid the ransom so that dead men could live. In the 11th chapter of his Gospel, John gives a prelude to this in the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.

It’s a familiar story. Jesus’ friend Lazarus became sick. Knowing what would happen, Jesus delayed his arrival until after he died. Jesus did this purposefully to display His resurrection power as a preview of what He would do for us through His own death and resurrection. After consoling Lazarus’s sisters, Jesus went to Lazarus’ tomb and commanded, “Lazarus, come forth!” And he did! The dead man came back to life. The cold heart started beating as the motionless lungs began breathing again. By His word, Jesus defeated death and His friend was suddenly alive again.

What’s interesting to me is what Jesus says next. “Unbind him and let him go.” Why did He say that? Lazarus was dead and now he’s alive. He’s been set free from the bondage of death. He was now walking again. Why did someone have to loose him and let him go? Because he wasn’t walking free! Someone had to help him get the grave clothes off. Sometimes, we all need help getting the death off of us—the things from our old life and from our past that keep us from walking free. We have found that one of the primary things that binds us and keeps us from walking free is the torment associated with old wounds. Forgiven people cannot walk freely unless they extend that forgiveness to those who wounded them. And most of the time, people need someone to help them forgive.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m an avid Kentucky basketball fan. Did I say avid? I was ministering in Romania in 2014 when the Wildcats made it to the March Madness Championship Game. I had taught a full seminar on Friday/Saturday and was scheduled to speak at three different churches on Sunday. So, what did I do? I got up at 4:30 am Sunday morning, Romanian time, to watch UK beat Wisconsin in the Final Four. I was up again Tuesday at 4:30 am to watch them play the championship game where, unfortunately, we lost to the University of Connecticut. But since the game wasn’t broadcast outside the US, I ended up watching it on my iPad via FaceTime through our son’s computer, which he placed in front of his TV in his apartment in Dallas, Texas. I know that’s a bit crazy, but I told you I love Kentucky basketball.

Kentucky has a new Men’s Basketball Head Coach this year. Mark Pope was a co-captain of UK’s 1996 Championship team, and he bleeds Kentucky blue. He has brought a new energy and excitement to the team and fanbase, with the media covering everything Coach Pope says and does. Recently, I was intrigued by a clip of him addressing his team after a practice session. He said, “Gratitude is a skill that, if you practice, will give you a joyful life regardless of your circumstances. It’s a skill we need to practice. You can practice it every single day. Grateful people are joyful people. There’s no way around it. If you’re grateful, you’re joyful.”

Our recent trip to South Korea may have been our most consequential trip to date in terms of the number of significant pastoral leaders we had the privilege of connecting with. I taught 24 sessions to 11 different groups in the two weeks we were there. We shared the message with pastoral leaders from some of the largest churches of various denominations in Korea and, in one case, the world. A conservative number of congregants in the churches represented by these pastors would be well over 125,000 people. We were blown away at the privilege God afforded us on this trip.

To be candid, we were a little apprehensive heading into the sessions with the pastors. It has been our experience that, for a variety of reasons, pastors are often the ones who are the most resistant to the Forgiving Forward message.  With this in mind, we enlisted our prayer team and prayer partners to beseech God specifically that He would open the hearts and minds of the pastoral leaders to whom we would be teaching. And God answered in incredible ways.

Day in and day out, we see grown men and women who are tormented, struggling, hurting, bound, hopeless…the list goes on and on. Almost, if not every, person we meet with is struggling with a wound from their childhood. I’ve often thought that if only children could learn how to forgive at the earliest age, they could avoid so much of the pain and torment that carrying unforgiveness throughout their lives brings.

Toni and I are blessed with three amazing kids, each one extraordinary and talented in their own unique way. Our daughter, Amy, has always loved the performing arts, particularly musical theater. She also loved to watch old movies. In fact, she collected them. So, being so creative, it wasn’t a surprise that she asked us if she could have a dress like Grace Kelly wore in the classic movie, “To Catch a Thief,” for her Prom Dress. The problem was it was a one-of-a-kind dress that wasn’t for sale anywhere. So, Toni offered to make the dress for Amy, only to find out that there wasn’t a pattern available.

Anyone who knows my wife knows she wasn’t about to let a little thing like no dress pattern stand in the way of her daughter’s prom dress. There had to be another way. So, they played the movie, paused it when there was a clear view of Grace Kelly in the dress, and then took a picture of the frozen screen. From that picture, Toni was able to create a pattern from which she made Amy’s new dress. After many trials and errors, as well as several trips back and forth to the fabric store, Toni finished the dress five minutes AFTER Amy wanted to leave for her Prom. Amy looked magical as she went to her prom that Friday evening.

In Part One, we wrestled with the question of why so many of us struggle and muddle our way through our daily lives when Jesus promised us so much more—His Abundant Life. We discovered that the answer is found in the first part of John 10:10. When Jesus said, “I came that they may have life, and have it more abundantly,” He was contrasting Himself with “the thief.” Our enemy, Satan, is a thief who wants to steal our faith, kill our joy, and destroy our effectiveness. He is ruthless in his schemes to keep us from the abundant life our Savior came to give us. Two tools he uses to short-circuit us are unforgiveness and sin-management. If Satan can keep us bitter and keep us living our lives in our own strength, he can keep us tormented and disconnected from the Holy Spirit’s power. However, Jesus has given us two keys to keeping Satan defeated and us walking in freedom. The primary keys to the Abundant Life are to Forgive and to Abide. In Part One, we looked at forgiveness. Today, we will examine what it means to walk by the Spirit, a.k.a. Abiding.

I don’t know any Christ-follower who doesn't want to experience the abundant life Jesus promised us. Unfortunately, from my observation, few seem to be living that life. As we have traveled the country and around the world, we have encountered believers who, from all outward and spoken indicators, are not walking in joy, but instead are living in torment and defeat. The question that presents itself is, “why?” Why do so many of us struggle and muddle our way through our daily lives when Jesus promised us so much more?

The answer is found in the first part of John 10:10. When Jesus said, “I came that they may have life,” He was contrasting Himself with “the thief.” Our enemy, Satan, is a thief who wants to steal our faith, kill our joy, and destroy our effectiveness. He is ruthless in his schemes to keep us from the abundant life our Savior came to give us. Two of his most used tools to short-circuit us are unforgiveness and sin-management. If Satan can keep us bitter and keep us living our lives in our own strength, he can keep us tormented and disconnected from the Holy Spirit’s power. However, Jesus has given us two keys to keep Satan defeated and us walking in freedom. The primary keys to the Abundant Life are to Forgive and to Abide.

At this point in my life, I’ve learned not to underestimate two things: the depravity of man and the power of the Cross of Jesus. We’ve been leading the Forgiving Forward Ministry and Coaching people to freedom for 15 years and every time I think I’ve heard the worst story imaginable, I hear a story that boggles my mind with the atrocities human beings can inflict on other people. At the same time, I am constantly amazed at how the power of the Cross redeems man’s deepest depravity and sets them free. One of the latest examples is my new friend Steve.

Early Thanksgiving morning, all was quiet in the Sim’s household with Maverick, their aging golden retriever, sleeping beside Charlene’s hospice bed. Suddenly, at 3:45 AM, Maverick uncharacteristically jumped up and ran to Steve’s bed and nuzzled him awake. When Steve got up to check on Charlene, she breathed her last few breaths and flew into the arms of Jesus. In that moment Steve lost his wife and best friend and Forgiving Forward lost a dear friend and our most passionate team member.

Did you know that Forgiving Forward is now available in 6 different languages? It’s true! In addition to English, our book has been translated into Hebrew, Arabic, Spanish, Korean and our most recent translation, Russian. Each version has its own “God story” behind the translation process that would amaze you. We regularly hear reports of how the Forgiving Forward book is making an impact in people’s lives who would never be helped through the English edition. This story from Korea will bless you.

I have been asked, “How do you teach forgiveness to those who don’t believe in Jesus and who follow other religions?” My answer was this: “My friend Mike Wells used to say, ‘There is The Way and there is not the Way. Jesus is the Way and every other way is not The Way.’ I only have one bullet in my gun, it’s the Cross of Jesus. If someone won’t accept The Way (Jesus), who is the only Way, why would I give them another way that will lead them away from The Way? If they won’t accept the Cross of Jesus, I have nothing for them.”

Recently, Toni and I were teaching Forgiving Forward in Costa Rica. On the Sunday we were there, I had the privilege of sharing the message in a church in Santa Cruz. Each week around 40 people meet in a small cinder-block building with light circles on the floor from the holes in the tin roof. There was no AC, fans, projector or screen for media. There was no worship team or worship band. The worship was led by the pastor who played prerecorded worship songs from his phone through a small PA system. It was hot and dusty with little airflow. It lacked anything that many consultants would consider to be “essential elements for an effective worship environment.” But did it really?

There are sins in our culture that are considered unforgivable. It’s a growing list! In fact, there are certain offenses that violate common sensibilities when we forgive them. Forgiving these things can actually offend those closest to us so much that they will often try to talk us back into unforgiveness. We have actually witnessed people coerced into repenting of their forgiveness, which brings the torment back to a more intense level. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, the results are heartbreaking.

Not long ago, I met a man who asked me the common introductory question, “What do you do?” After I shared with him a quick summary of Forgiving Forward, he said, “I wish you could meet with my son and daughter-in-law. They have been through several counselors, and nothing seems to help. The daughter-in-law now wants a divorce, and our son is confused and hurt. None of this makes sense to us. She recently said to him, ‘You’re meaner than my father!’” I responded. “It makes perfect sense to me. She is in torment because she has deep wounds from her father that she hasn’t forgiven.”