Finding Freedom From Childhood Abuse

The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:20-21

At this point in my life, I’ve learned not to underestimate two things: the depravity of man and the power of the Cross of Jesus. We’ve been leading the Forgiving Forward Ministry and Coaching people to freedom for 15 years and every time I think I’ve heard the worst story imaginable, I hear a story that staggers my mind with the atrocities human beings can inflict on other people. At the same time, I am constantly amazed at how the power of the Cross redeems man’s deepest depravity and sets them free. One of the latest examples is my new friend Steve.

I met Steve on a recent trip to Texas when I had an early morning meeting with a group of businessmen being mentored by a friend of mine. After I shared a brief summary of the Forgiving Forward message, followed by some Q&A, my friend looked at Steve and said, “You’re awfully quiet today. What's going on with you?” Steve responded, “I’m struggling.” He looked at me and said, “I’m hearing you say that I have to honor my father. My mother shot my father when I was five years old and I’ve never considered honoring that man. He was pure evil.” I responded, “We need to talk.”

Steve and I arranged to meet later in the week where he told me what has to be one of the worst stories I’ve heard to date. When Steve was five years old (he’s 65 now), Steve’s father handed him and his two older sisters over to a child pornographer, who filmed atrocious acts being done to them and several other children. Horrific and unconscionable abuse! Things I can't unhear and I won’t repeat. When Steve’s mother discovered what was happening, she shot his father while Steve was playing in the front yard. From that day forward, she never spoke of that event again.

As you can imagine, this abuse left deep scars in Steve which led to 60 years of tormented living. Steve’s torment expressed itself primarily through sex and drug addictions, along with a whole host of other self-destructive behaviors. The leader of the prostitution ring used psychological control tactics on the children which left Steve feeling responsible, at age 5, for what happened to him and the other children. Steve had subsequently found Christ and was trying hard to follow Him, yet the torment he was carrying had affected his marriage and all of his other relationships. Steve was a mess. The Good news is God specializes in liberating messed-up men (and women.)

Steve allowed me to coach him to forgive these unimaginably traumatic wounds from his childhood, as well as many that were self-inflicted. One by one, Steve began to apply the blood of Jesus to each of the things that had been done to him and what he had done to himself and others. I sat in amazement as I watched Steve tearfully ask God to pour rich blessings on those who hurt him so deeply. When he had finished walking through the protocols for the last person, I asked him, “How’s your heart?” He said, “Unshackled!” I said, “Describe the difference from when you got here.“ His response: “Have you ever seen the movie Dances with Wolves? Do you remember the scenes of the wide-open prairies where the Buffaloes were running free? For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m on the prairie. I’m finally free after 60 years of bondage!”

A couple of days later, I texted Steve and asked, “How’s life on the prairie?” He replied, “I feel great. My wife can see a difference in me. I will never forget Friday. Thank you again. Feel free to use my story anytime; if it will help someone else get free.”

Conventional wisdom says that Steve, or anyone else who had endured what he had suffered, could never get over what happened to him as a child. Conventional wisdom says that what Steve suffered for 60 years was his only option, and the best he could do was learn to cope, but conventional wisdom always underestimates the grace of God and the power of the Cross.

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