There are sins in our culture that are considered unforgivable. It’s a growing list! In fact, there are certain offenses that violate common sensibilities when we forgive them. Forgiving these things can actually offend those closest to us so much that they will often try to talk us back into unforgiveness. We have actually witnessed people coerced into repenting of their forgiveness, which brings the torment back to a more intense level. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, the results are heartbreaking.

Forgiveness is such a central part of the Gospel message that no true believer would ever say that forgiveness is a bad idea. We often meet with people who believe that they have forgiven yet are still very much in torment, which is an indicator that they have, in fact, not forgiven. Much of the teaching that is out there about forgiveness, including from Christian sources, comes from a flawed secular foundation. Yet true forgiveness always produces freedom. So how do we know when we have truly forgiven? We can be assured that we have forgiven when we forgive as God forgave us.

We live in an incredibly independent culture. “Mind your own business and stay out of mine” is a motto many, if not most, people live by. But what if that’s not God’s way? What if, rather than being independent, God has designed us to be interdependent? What if we really are our brother’s keeper?

Toni was wrapping up her summary of the Forgiving Forward message as I returned. I looked at George and said, “Do you want to be free from your torment... Now? Will you allow me to coach you to forgive your son right here on the beach?” With tears in his eyes he quietly said “Yes. Please help me.” I moved my beach ottoman over by George’s chair and gently coached him to forgive his son for taking his own life and for all the wounds that decision had caused. I then helped him come to terms with his anger towards God and we watched as George’s entire countenance changed as his tears of sorry became tears of release.

In a simple but hard ten-minute span of time, we witnessed 17 years of torment drop off of Brad. Brad reached out to us, after someone on a social media site, had recommended our book Forgiving Forward to him. For 17 years Brad had been seeking help from any person, any source, any place—including social media, that would help him get free of the torment that gripped him day and night. “It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night.”

Many people ask, “How can I forgive them when I know that it’s going to keep happening?” That is not an insignificant question. We all have those “repeat offenders” in our lives that wound us on a regular basis. How long do we “put up with it?” Isn’t there a limit to how often I should forgive?

In every movie about forgiveness that I have seen, at some point in the storyline, the main character struggling with forgiving reaches a crisis point. Standing at the end of a dock or in the woods or alone in a room, they scream in desperation, “I don’t know how to forgive!”, or something to that effect. The scene shifts to one in which the character, having forgiven, is now at peace. What we don’t see is HOW he forgave. Specifically, what did he do? The how is important. Wanting to forgive is not the same as choosing to forgive.

What moved me that day was the reminder that the fountain filled with blood drawn from Immanuel’s veins is true for everyone, not just me and you. “Lose all THEIR guilty stains.” Could it be that if we, as the redeemed, celebrated the power of the Gospel to cleanse sin in other people’s lives as much as we do our own, the world would change?