Forgiving Infidelity and Those Who Covered It Up

Forgiving Forward exists to help people experience the freedom of the Gospel through the power of forgiveness. God expects forgiven people to forgive others, but we find that most people who need to forgive need help doing that. One of the things that makes Forgiving Forward unique is our emphasis on equipping people to help others to forgive. We love hearing the incredible stories of forgiveness breakthroughs from our forgiveness coaches and we want to share one with you today. 

A close friend of ours has been a pastor for many years and has been through our Coaching Intensive. I asked him to share with you about his recent coaching session with a man who, to protect the forgiven, we will call Tom.

“When I first came to pastor this church, I was informed of a man who was chronically bitter. I befriended him and tried to minister to some of his heartaches. Once in a while his bitterness would creep up and when I or his wife tried to address it, he shut down. 

I had known Tom for 8 years when he called and said, “Pastor I need your help.” Tom is in his 80’s and has a myriad of health issues and is on oxygen. I anticipated he had some end of life decisions as I went to make the visit. I came to his home and he began to unfurl the story of his life. He shared with me how all he ever wanted to do was serve God. He had felt called to serve in music and became the choir and congregational music leader. He was serving in a small interconnected community, and life from all appearances looked fine. 

Tom had a God he loved, a wife he loved, a church he loved, a pastor he loved, a job he loved, and friends he loved. Tom also had a weekly outing with the deacons every Thursday night. One deacon would come and get Tom, and they would go do something during the evening. This pattern went on for years. But the facade was about to be removed. 

One Thursday night Tom commented on seeing the pastor’s car at a local motel. The deacon’s response troubled Tom, for he knew there were some excuses being made. He investigated and discovered that the pastor he loved had been having an affair with his wife, and the deacons were deliberately participating in this liaison. Tom discovered he was the last to know this secret that was public knowledge to many in the church he served. Devastated and humiliated, Tom left both the church and town. He did forgive and reconcile with his wife, however, the deep wounds from that experience would be buried for 45 years.

Tom shared with me the hatred and vile bitterness he had for those who stood as Christians yet betrayed their God and his friendship. He shared his hatred even though some had been long dead. He revealed to me that he had been wrestling with this in his heart for all this time with no one knowing.  

For the next hour I coached Tom through the Forgiveness Protocols wound by wound, person by person. The tears flowed as the chains of unforgiveness were broken and fell away. When we finished the last “Is the Holy Spirit bringing anything else to you now?” question, and he answered “no,” I asked him how he felt. He replied, “I feel so light I could fly! I feel like thousands of pounds of old chains are gone and I can breathe!” His non-verbal cues aligned with his statements.   

Over the next few months every time I saw Tom he would use his hands to make a bird that was flying. With a radiant smile and gleaming eyes he showed me and everyone else that the deep-seated bitterness no longer had its hooks in him. He had forgiven and been set free.” 

There are “Toms” all around us who are waiting for someone like you to help them forgive. It is not complicated either! We believe God wants all of us, including you, to be trained to help them. Our passion is to raise an ever-expanding team of Forgiveness Coaches to help us spread the forgiveness revolution.