I can't tell you how many times people have come to us for us to help them. And they say, “oh, I've forgiven so-and-so,” but they're still struggling with anxiety, with depression— all the signs of torment. 

And what we find is that when someone says “I've forgiven someone,” they really haven't forgiven the wounds. You see, it doesn't work to say “I forgive my dad” or “forgive my mom” or “my spouse.” For what, existing? They’re created in the image of God! So you don't technically forgive people, you forgive wounds that the people inflicted.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.” So you forgive wounds. And you need to be specific. You say “from my heart, I choose to forgive this person for this, this, this, this and this.” All the transactions you need to make to clear up the debt that they've inflicted upon you.

If you really want to know that you have forgiven, you bless them. If you cannot bless someone - you have not forgiven. Because blessing means I no longer want them to pay. Because Jesus has already paid! I want them to be blessed, because it's the kindness of God that brings us to repentance. So the way that you know you've forgiven is you specifically dealt with the wounds and you've chosen to bless the person who inflicted them.