Giving People the Freedom to be Wrong

There was a sign reportedly on a desk in the Pentagon which read:

To err is human, to forgive is divine,

Neither of which is Marine Corp policy!

All of us struggle when other people show us their “humanity”. When someone messes up or does something to hurt us, we can be quick to judge, move into condemnation, and cancel them. But as Christ followers, we are called to a different way. Tucked in the middle of Colossians 3, Paul gives us a series of commands that run counter to our old “go to” in relating to people who blow it.

Colossians is a deeply Christological letter; it is all about the supremacy of Jesus Christ. Colossians is divided into a doctrinal half (chapters 1-2) followed by a practical half (chapters 3-4). The doctrinal section extols Jesus as the incomparable Christ, the one who not only created all things and sustains all things, but also has, through His death and resurrection, made a way of peace between God and man. All the fullness of God resides in Jesus, and because He is in us, we share His life. This is summarized in the great mystery of the Gospel revealed in Colossians 1:27, “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” 

In the second half of the letter, Paul reveals what the natural out-working of Christ’s life in us should look like. There will be things we used to do that we no longer do that will be replaced by new patterns of how we live and relate to others. We are to “put off the old” sins of immorality, anger, malice, slander, abusive speech, and deception and “put on” the characteristics of Jesus. In other words, we are to stop being self-focused and become others focused. Nestled in the list of the things we are to “put on” we find these imperatives:

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also.”

Colossians 3:12-13

Look at the last two commands; we are to bear with one another and we are to forgive each other, whenever we have a complaint against anyone. The word “bearing” means “to endure, to bear with, to put up with someone.” The present participle indicates continual action, “to keep on bearing, to keep on enduring, to keep on putting up with someone, and to keep on forgiving.”  Do you see that there is no out clause here and no exceptions indicated? Anyone means anyone! If we have a complaint against someone and if we are operating out of Christ’s life, then we will endure the offense, and we will continue to bear with them. Notice how bearing with one another and forgiving each other are linked. The only means by which we can bear with someone is by forgiving them the way Jesus forgave us.

We have found that one of the best ways to stay in the posture of “bearing with” someone is to consciously give others the freedom to be wrong. Romans 3:23 declares that, “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” Every. Single. One. Of. Us! It is part of the human condition. Generally speaking, people don’t like to be wrong or plan to be wrong, yet we all blow it from time to time. When I fail, I am glad that the blood of Jesus covers my failures, and I am sure you are as well. Who of us can hold up under the demands of perfection? Even when I know I don’t deserve it, deep inside I want to know that there is someone who is willing to put up with me and refuses to write me off. If I need that, the person whose failure impacts me needs it just as much. Realizing how much Jesus bears with me and forgives me, which is a ton, motivates me to bear with others and forgive them.

My Dad modeled this for me. His best friend Jim (not his real name) was a fellow pastor whose wife Leah (not her real name) was my Mom’s best friend. They were so much like family to us that my sisters and I called them Uncle Jim and Aunt Leah. Even though Dad and Jim pastored in different parts of the country, they stayed connected almost weekly and we would see them at least once a year, if not more. They were the best of friends.

Over the course of time and for reasons I am not privy to, Jim and Leah’s marriage collapsed and they divorced. Jim eventually remarried. As you can imagine, this did not go well in the pastoral circles Dad and Jim were a part of. Most of Jim’s friends turned their backs on him and would have nothing to do with him. Which is understandable. God hates divorce and it is especially bad for a pastor and spiritual leader to give up in their wedding vows. God hates sin, but He loves people… and He loves grace. 

Dad never condoned Jim’s failure. He didn’t whitewash it or treat it lightly. I know that there were hard conversations between the two friends. But Dad was determined to bear with his friend, no matter what. He forgave him for what he did to hurt Leah, their son, my mom, our family, and the Church. But Dad never abandoned his friend. He gave Jim the freedom to blow it without losing his friendship. They remained close until Dad’s death and later I was asked to speak at Jim’s funeral.

Recently in a sermon at Passion City Church, Grant Patrick said, “Failure is an event, not an identity.” As freeing as that truth is for me when I apply it to myself, it is just as important for me to apply it to those whose failure hurts me and the people I love. Larry Crabb defines a spiritual community as, “a safe place to hit bottom”. God designed the Body of Christ to be a place where people can come in their darkest moments, at the point of their worst failure and say, “I’ve blown it, I’m sunk, I’m ready to give up” and still be accepted and loved. We all need to be celebrated not canceled, even when we mess up royally. We all need the freedom to be wrong and still be loved.

This can only happen when we, by the power of “Christ in you the hope of glory,” choose to bear with one another and forgive each other. Because after all, that’s what Jesus does for us.