Helping Others Forgive

Recently I had the privilege of officiating a wedding on the beach near Destin, Florida. While scheduling the trip, we added an extra day to relax on the beach before we flew home. The wedding weekend fell in the middle of a very busy season for us, and we were looking forward to just a little bit of alone time listening to the waves of the Gulf of Mexico.

We got up early the day after the wedding and rented a beach umbrella with two chairs. After spending a little time with the bride and groom before they left, we settled into our chairs with a couple of books to enjoy some much needed “Bruce and Toni alone together on the beach” time. When the young couple with the two crying kids using the umbrella next to us finally gave up and left, we were left with no one on either side of us. We were both silently thinking, “This is awesome!” 

Please understand, we love people and helping them forgive. It is our passion. But sometimes it is important to get away and recharge. A little later I left to grab some snacks and when I returned, Toni was engaged in a conversation with the new couple that had rented the setup right next to us. Tamera and George (not their real names) were celebrating their first anniversary. As I sat down, I heard Tamera ask Toni what we do. When Toni told her, she quickly pointed to George, and exclaimed, “He needs your help!”

Tamera went on to explain that George’s son had committed suicide in May, and the tragedy was causing significant problems in their marriage. I looked at Toni and said, “We need to give them a book.” My somewhat less than spiritual thinking was to give them Forgiving Forward and our card and have them call the office to set up an appointment for us to coach them so we could get back to listening to the Gulf waves. (I know what you’re thinking. Not my finest moment.) As Toni began to briefly explain the basic message we normally share with those we coach, I left to grab a book from our room.

On my way back from the room, in my spirit, I heard God say, “You’re just going to give him a book, are you? That’s it? You’re not going to just help him now? What If I sat them next to you on purpose?” After reminding Him that He rested on the 7th day and that He’s the One who established the day of rest principles, I reluctantly said, “Okay. You’re the Lord of the Sabbath, so I give in. You lead, I’ll follow and we’ll rest when you say so.”

Toni was wrapping up her summary of the Forgiving Forward message as I returned. I looked at George and said, “Do you want to be free from your torment... Now? Will you allow me to coach you to forgive your son right here on the beach?” With tears in his eyes he quietly said “Yes. Please help me.” I moved my beach ottoman over by George’s chair and gently coached him to forgive his son for taking his own life and for all the wounds that decision had caused. I then helped him come to terms with his anger towards God and we watched as George’s entire countenance changed as his tears of sorry became tears of release. George was free! Toni then coached Tamera to forgive her stepson for how his death had wounded her and impacted their marriage. 

Tamera then told us that they were initially going to rent a different set of umbrella/chairs further down to row from us, but she sensed something telling her to change to the setup next to us. She said, “God sent us to you so you could help us.” “Yes, He did!” We replied. To think I almost passed on the opportunity!

Bruce Wilkinson defines a miracle as anytime God moves in time and space to meet someone’s need in a way they know God did it. Dr. Wilkinson also says God has more miracles He wants delivered than He has people willing to deliver them. One of the most important miracles people need is the miracle that comes through forgiveness, and every day each one of us encounter people who need help forgiving. They are at our work, in our neighborhood, at the grocery store, in the park, at the Waffle House… even under an umbrella on the beach. You can help them. Will you? 

If you want to learn more about how to help others forgive as Bruce did in this testimony above, we recommend reading the book Forgiving Forward or taking the Forgiveness Course.